be better listeners on world mental health day
A quarter of adults in the UK experience mental health problems
Data released by the Office for National Statistics in May 2021 revealed that rates of people experiencing depression have doubled since the COVID-19 pandemic began, an early indicator of the growing mental health crisis in the UK (The Health Foundation, 2021).
Research shows that one of the main reluctances to share these mental health struggles is the ever-present, powerful stigma society holds towards them. This stigma can have a detrimental effect on a person’s work life, employability, relationships and financial situation with nine in ten people still experiencing stigma and discrimination once disclosing a mental health problem (UK Parliament, 2015).
Samaritans have recently spoken out about the vital importance of listening as a key element of mental health support, providing a crucial first step in someone’s journey to process their experience.
They have created five common listener traits that we can all display, even subconsciously, when receiving a disclosure of mental health struggles or lived experiences. These traits, albeit well-intentioned, can often be ineffective or even detrimental to a person’s ability to manage the experience they are expressing. Currently at The Bridge we are addressing and reflecting on ingrained behaviours that are valuable to unlearn and approach differently. From unconscious biases to safeguarding, we are open to creating a culture in which we question, evolve and always aim to do better. The awareness of these common listener traits, and simple techniques we could do in their place, can benefit us all, both with individual support and the wider destigmatising of mental health experiences.
Samaritans five common listener traits:
o the fixer
immediately trying to offer solutions, remedies or answers to the disclosure, without respecting the space and time for the person to voice their experience
o the filler
leading with their own experiences, trying to shift the subject away or make light of the disclosure
o the worrier
escalating the level and impact of any negative feelings or behaviours by reacting disproportionately or displaying levels of worry or concern that would cause the person to retract, feel shame or prematurely end the conversation
o the attention splitter
not 100% present or actively listening, either by external distractions, waiting for your turn to speak or thinking about other things
o the interviewer
dominating the conversation by asking too many questions, often too specific or leading
so what could we do to be better listeners?
Our ability to listen has a direct effect on our ability to understand and empathise with others, providing a symbiotic relationship between the listener and the listened. We can all benefit from better listening.
The techniques below could help the speaker feel they have been heard, may encourage them to talk more openly, and could provide a safe and stable platform in which to then seek further support:
de-centerise: putting the speaker first in the conversation
allow space and time: sitting with the silence if necessary could allow the speaker to gather their thoughts and build up the ability to express themselves
ask open questions: ‘how does that make you feel’ instead of ‘that must make you feel angry or sad’ could support the speaker in their ability to find their own voice
try to avoid prescriptive advice: gentle suggestions as opposed to ‘do’s and don’ts’ could help to provide a compassionate environment where the speaker isn’t strictly confined by another person’s opinions or views
give your full attention: finding an appropriate, safe space if possible where there are no distractions and a respectful level of privacy (if the speaker is comfortable with this)
listen with the goal of understanding: active listening focuses the attention solely on the speaker and the content of what they are disclosing
use relaxed, open body language: being aware of how you are sitting and reacting to the disclosure could emphasise a non-judgmental, accepting space
follow up: checking back in and having further conversations could reassure the speaker that they have a reliable support system
If you need further support with your mental health, please speak to someone about how you are feeling. You can access professional and confidential support from the amazing organisations below, or calling 111 for the NHS helpline/999 in an emergency.
Mind provides a directory of listening services for those who may want to open up and seek support:
Samaritans: www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-having-difficult-time
If you would like further information about how to be a mental health ally:
Time to Change provides tips on how to check in with friends, support others and dispel the shame around speaking up: www.time-to-change.org.uk/mental-health-stigma